3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
