so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
