It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
