They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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