the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you have to choose: penises or morals?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
