he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
