When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
