Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
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It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You pole danced in your parka.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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