@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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