Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
