cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
