All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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