I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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