It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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