she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
