Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I have already put on my inside pants.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I think I just sharted jello shots
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