my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
