Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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