I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
