I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
