Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
