I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
