dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
