you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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