did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
