just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Randomize
