I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
