My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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