i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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