I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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