Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
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