Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Randomize
