when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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