Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
