$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Randomize
