i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
