You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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