College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
