pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words...techno handjob
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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