If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
