you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize
