nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize