the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize