dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
