The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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