4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
