You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
