Hey man sorry I got all grabby
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
