Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
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you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
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It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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