he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
