Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I think I won the penis lottery.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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