I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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