I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
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