Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
