You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize