Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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