I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
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