Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
