so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Randomize
