I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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