last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
