Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
