I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
