I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
