Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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