I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize