hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
