umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
