Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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