I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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