Your dad touched me again.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
