ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
