I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
